First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
