Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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