By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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