The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
How does it feel to date your dad?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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