I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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