Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
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Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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