if i can run in heels then i can drive
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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