You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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