How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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