ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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