You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
