I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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