I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
