I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
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