Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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