remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
