i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
