no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
