i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
