i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
This toilet bowl is my home.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
