i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
