i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
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why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
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And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???