I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
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apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
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Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.