Who wears a wallet chain?!
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
