I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
