STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
