Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Someone shit on the floor
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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