My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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