Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
