why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
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You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
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I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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