I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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