Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
