I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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