Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
