No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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