I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
