I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
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Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
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Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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