she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
