guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I need water and some morals
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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