he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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