I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
