saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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