I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
