Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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