I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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