I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
