well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
