You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
