Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It's blow job season.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
