Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
