I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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