What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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