Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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