Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
This baby is an asshole
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
