if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
