the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
