I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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