haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
