I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
