I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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