Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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