A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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