Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
