i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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