Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
