well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
