ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize