I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
