He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
