I wish my penis had an off switch
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
