Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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