somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
