your thong is hanging out like whoa
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
