Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Quick, to the slutcave!
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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