I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
