remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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