you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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