The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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