the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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