im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
