dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
