just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We have started to decorate penises.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I want to fling myself into the sun
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
