This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
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He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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