dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
