I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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