Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
